If someone loves you much,

LOVE, MARRIAGE, AND FAMILY

Two people in love became a married couple. Their wedding was witnessed by their relatives, friends and was allowed by the law. Their love turned into their marriage. They separated from their families to form a new one, like a cell dividing into new cells, and then over time, the new cells continue to divide. A family is a cell of society. Being married, you start a new life. From a child, you become a householder and will have more responsibilities than before.

How are a marriage and a family different?

Speaking of a family is speaking of your responsibilities to your children, your duties to your spouse and his/her relatives, etc. Marriage refers to the affections between the couple.
Marrying is to sail out to the rough sea.

Is everything finished after the wedding? A filmmaker made two episodes. People only want to see the first one but not the second. And today people just know the first episode which talks about two lovers madly in love, but their parents, society, religions forbade them. And after overcoming so many challenges and adversities, they married. The first episode ended here. Everyone was watching and crying with the characters and was thrilled when the lovely young couple had overcome all and formed their own family. Everyone left the movie theatre with happiness.

Then the second episode was released, but no one came to the movies, and the producer had a heavy loss. What did the second episode talk about? It continued the story of that couple after getting married. They gave birth to a baby, quarreled and fought with each other, and then divorced. No one wanted to see this episode though it showed what really happens in life. Our lives have two parts, and people want to watch only the first one; they think that a wedding is a happy ending and finishes. Just a few know that the second part is real!

In the first part, the suffering that the two main characters experienced was created by others and external conditions. But in the second one, who caused their misery? - Themselves. This episode was painful and bitter, and no one wanted to see it since they desire the beautiful but not the bitter truth.

In reality, there are also couples who have fewer conflicts, and their marriages are quite happy and stable, but there are also unhappy couples who often have disagreements and even hate each other. Thus, there are marriages that last until the end, one dies before the other, and there are also broken marriages, they divorce and remarry. Maybe the new marriages don't last long, and they continue to have remarriages.
So after a passionate, romantic love, they step into marriage, and they think that this is their happy ending, but in fact, they are in a race and have new fights.

Many old people came to tell us, "Dear Master, I can't follow you for now since I still have an unmarried child. As long as I marry them to someone, I will surely follow you." We were sorry to hear that. Those people just watched the first episode but not the second. How can they consider marriage a happy ending? The truth is when children get married, they run into trouble. They will argue, fight with each other and have to ask for their parents' arbitration.

Another person said to us: "Dear Master, now I have to take care of my grandchildren for their parents to go to work. However, the parents are always arguing, and I have to judge them. Moreover, their business loses, so they always ask me for money. I have to resolve so many things that I can't focus on spiritual cultivation." This person knew the second episode. We met some religious people and advised them to become monks/nuns, but they immediately refused because they were in love. They didn't know that they saw the first episode and the second one was waiting for them.

So entering marriage life, you shouldn't think that you have wiped out all your problems. A writer said:
"Wedding means boating into the sea." We don't know if the sea is calm or rough. Only good skippers can steer their boats through many cascades and stay safe in high wind, fierce storms, dangerous fish that are attacking their boats.

Likewise, only very moral and skillful people can steer their boats of marriage to overcome so many difficulties to reach the shore. What is this shore? It's incorrect if you say "the happy shore"; it is "the dead shore." Everyone must die eventually. Many people have not yet reached the dead shore, but their boats have been wrecked, i.e., their wrecked marriages, so they have to have another marriage, i.e., they sail another boat to the sea forever, and finally to the shore of death. This way, life is so meaningless.

Love often fades after marriage

Usually, before marriage, love is very passionate, but after the wedding, it will gradually calm down. We asked a lot of people, and they all affirmed that love is only romantic, passionate before marriage; and after the wedding, if there is no significant conflict, their love can last for another one or two years and then weaken steadily; if otherwise, their love will end. Why?

When you're not sure something is for you, you'll try many ways to have it, but when you're sure it is for you, you won't cherish it anymore. So when a boy tell a girl how much he loves her, then the girl should know that when she marries him, his love for her is only onetenth of that of today. For example, when they're in love, the man calls the woman twice a day to say: "How are you? I miss you so much!" After the wedding, he will call her once a day, then once every three months, and then none during three years.
Are we pessimistic? In fact, many couples love each other longer. We will discuss the reasons, rules, and formulas later. For now, please remember, when being unmarried, you very cherish your love, but when being married, you don't value them. This is the main reason/psychology which makes sentiment fade away.

It is not love, but morality that keeps marriage strong and durable

What will save your love? If each of a couple cares for each other, their own family and the other's family, etc. then there appears something called gratitude between them. It is this gratitude that will replace their passionate love before and forms glue and something noble to preserve the happiness of marriage.

When the husband loves and takes care of the wife's family, the wife will be touched, and vice versa. Their gratitude to each other is formed. This invisible gratitude creates strength that helps them be together for the rest of their lives. If one only takes care of their own family but not the other's, then there is no gratitude between them. Moreover, the passion of love before marriage is fading, so their marriage is in danger.

They must have ethics to care for each other, the children, the families of both sides, and their gratitude to each other forms. So although according to the principle of love that love is not durable, if you are morally responsible for each other, then your marriage, love, and family will be sustainable.

So when choosing a boyfriend/girlfriend, let choose a moral one but not one who always pampers you, or because he/she is romantic or talented since these characters don’t exist forever. But often, when being young, people do not pay attention to morality. What are they concerned? - Appearance, like these lines of poems: "dressed in brown, you are walking in the moonlight," "The wind will be glad for your hair to fly," "You are like a rose that I'm still shy. You like a dream day." People always focus on the appearance but not the morality.

For those who say they love you, let judge their morals first. What does it mean? - Do not emphasize how they treat you, because they are trying to win your affections, so they are treating you with consideration, and it's not really honest. You should notice how they treat people around them, such as their parents, siblings, friends, neighbors. If they are kind to those people, then you can believe that they are virtuous. On the contrary, if because they love you, they don't care/ignore their parents, brothers, and sisters, etc. then one day when loving someone else, they will ignore you. If you marry an unethical person, they won't be responsible for you; hence, you won't feel grateful to him. The love before marriage went away, and there is no gratitude between you two, so how can your marriage exist?

Why today's marriages are easily broken than ones in the past? Because now young people hastily love, selfishly live and desires enjoyments. This lifestyle makes people tired and fed up with others very fast, faster than usual. We have said according to psychological principles, normally, after three years of marriage, the love will fade. But with people who are selfish and love enjoyments, this period is only a few months.

Love and marriage cause tiredness

Our forefathers said that no one could "hold one's hand till the dark, pillow one's head till the morning." This is a fact. Usually, when in love, people often hand in hand go everywhere. However, no one can do that all the time. They have to let the other go when tired to do whatever they want.

Or you can pillow someone, but if you can do it all the night? Often no, since your hand will go numb; except ones who have an inner force and they will use this power to lie still till the morning, while ordinary people cannot do that.

Our forefathers used that particular expression to say that no one can express love forever, and love cannot endlessly last. When you fell in love with someone, you have to pamper and take much care of them, like you have to remember their birthday to buy them gifts, do the bed/laundry for them, prepare the meals and show your love all the time. Few can do that. In religion, the sentiment between a master and his disciples is very sacred. An attendant must care for his master, but it's rare to have one to do it excellently, let alone in the secular world. So it's normal that no one can express their love forever because the expression of love/sentiment causes our energy loss and tiredness. That is a fundamental principle of psychology, and if we don't realize it, we will always blame each other.

There is a funny story about a married couple. A friend of theirs came to ask the wife:

• How is your marriage?
• I have not seen my husband for last month.
• Why? Is he away?
• No, but he always covers his face with a newspaper.

It means that when had been in love, he left everything to pursue her and when they got married, he didn't show his love for her. That's practical. So when being married, their care for or expression of love to you is just one-tenth of that of the time before. If you can satisfy with this small part, then let go ahead with your marriage but remember no one can "hold one's hand till the dark, pillow one's head till the morning." This is the principle.

Love causes our tiredness. In fact, not only love, but all mental activities make us tired. What are mental activities? - Such as thinking, calculating, etc. What happens if we keep on thinking? We will be stressful and can go mad. Love and hate are mental activities. So if they last long, we will get tired. So we have to practice meditation to stop our mental activities, and we can find peace, real happiness. Who don't meditate lose their half of lives because if the mind keeps working, surely they will go mad.

We have met people with Alzheimer's disease. They do not remember any of their children, do not know what their food is for, do not remember how to eat, do not know how to get out of hunger. They keep forgetting everything. Is it terrible? But why? Because previously, their brains worked so hard, they loved/hated people too much, and when this situation lasted long until the mind was unbearable, then there appeared a hotbed of memory loss in their brains. It spread to other brain tissues and destroyed the whole memory. And when we have no memory, we no longer exist in this life. To us, others are meaningless and vice versa.

So if we prolong our mental activities, we will get tired. Love works the same way. Here is a funny story. A person came to visit his friend. Seeing the friend doing housework, he blurted out: "Where is your wife that you have to do it?" The friend immediately replied: "My wife went back to her hometown. In my life, this is the first day I feel very well. When my wife is at home, I have to take care of her. Today I discovered that stop loving someone one day is so good." It is true about love.

A wife asked her husband: "Today you didn't care for me. Have you met the next-door woman?" or the husband said, "Why did you ignore me when getting home? Have you met your male colleague?" The truth is because of their tiredness. Love is tired, and hate is tired. Love is one of the activities of the mind, and when it lasts long, we will get tired.

Therefore, if someone loves you much, let subtly reduce this love but not require more. If anyone says, "I miss you more than the sky misses clouds, rivers miss mountains, cows miss pasture, or the afternoon misses the smoke of a cottage,” then advise them to lessen their love, or else they won’t miss/love you quickly. Prolonging anxiety of love makes people exhausted.

Written by:
Janna

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