In fact, we need to practice the morality of non-ego before our
marriage, more so after getting married. It's surprising that we do not want to cultivate ourselves in morality after we have a spouse. In order to build up a happy and long-lasting family, we need to foster morality as much as possible. Earning for a living is certainly important, but so is practicing our morality.
DIVORCE
"Hey, Duc, when did you get divorced?"
"At the end of last year..."
Phat smiled and said:
"Your marriage seemed to last longer than our classmates'. It had been ten years. Many of them could only save their marriages for six or seven years."
Tuan interrupted:
"I set a record of ending my relationship the soonest. I had a quarrel with my partner and broke up even though we would apply for a marriage licence the next day."
"Why could our grandparents live together until they died, but we cannot?" asked Phat.
Tuan replied:
"A 70-year-old couple in my neighborhood was just divorced."
Phat said:
"They might be affected by our terrible lifestyle."
Everyone just looked at their coffee, thinking wildly. They all felt sad for their breakups, for not being able to maintain their love that was supposed to be endless.
Suddenly, Tuan's phone rang, showing an elephant image on the screen. He seemed hesitant to answer, but Phat had playfully reached out to press the button and put the phone on speaker. A woman's voice shrieked in their ears:
"Right now bring your corpse home to take me to the supermarket or sign a divorce application later. Choose one."
Tuan turned off his phone and kept silent. Duc said something as if to himself:
"Never-ending disagreements and frequent complaints always stress us out. We are under much pressure to earn a living at work while barely finding sympathy at home. Family is not a home anymore but a boiling furnace. Getting divorced at this age is not making sense either, because we'll be lonely when getting older. It's so heartbreaking."
Most causes of divorce seen in court are due to too many disagreements between the couples that cannot be reconciled. They choose to divorce as a solution so that they would not hurt each other anymore. However, suffering can still happen to them after that.
A husband wants to go towards A, but his wife wants B instead. The husband wants to spend money on one thing but his wife wants it on another. If one of them can give up their opinion to follow the wishes of the other, the situation should be temporarily fine. However, when one person keeps suppressing and causing severe depression on the other, a war will break out someday. The root of disagreement has not been radically resolved.
Besides, there are also many ways to show disagreements. A skillful person just smiles and gently shakes his head, then explains everything thoroughly while an unskilled one may yell and cry. A rude person may chew his spouse out and throw or break things. A stupid person talks badly about his partner with outsiders.
Children are the victims of their parents' divorce who suffer most for being innocent and powerless. Living in a broken family, they lack the love and care from their parents. Later on, they must accept to live with a stepmother or stepfather, facing dangers which can happen anytime.
Only the morality of non-ego can stop divorce. Each one needs to look back at ourselves to find out what makes us cling to our crazy thinking. Is our ego bigger than the happiness of surrounding people? Could we let others suffer in order to satisfy our pride?
Look at it the other way around. We can temporarily please our spouse first, then gently explain everything in detail to find the best solution together, at an appropriate time. Do not think we are right and request our partner to follow our decisions. Listen to each other. Analyze the problems carefully together. Maybe we are both wrong, and the best solution is our parents' advice.
But why did we easily please our spouse before marriage, yet cannot stand each other now? Why is our ego too big to recognize how considerate we used to be?
In fact, we need to practice the morality of non-ego before our marriage, more so after getting married. It's surprising that we do not want to cultivate ourselves in morality after we have a spouse. In order to build up a happy and long-lasting family, we need to foster morality as much as possible. Earning for a living is certainly important, but so is practicing our morality.
Written by:
Janna
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