Except for those who do not get married and practice religion then

FACTORS THAT BREAK MARRIAGE

There are two viruses that destroy the marriage very seriously.

• The first is different characters which cause frequent conflicts. When in love, people think they can get through them, but when getting married, they know it is not easy.

There was a girl who loved a hot-tempered guy. Her father discouraged her, but she said: "It's okay, dad. I will correct him little by little." Entering into marriage, the man didn't fix his manners even a bit. Furthermore, he was more and more aggressive. The woman felt bitterness. When they were in love, she met him every a few days so that she could bear his temper and at that time, it was not serious since he was trying to win her heart. When being married, his anger showed all the time that she couldn't stand.
Or a wife liked red, while her husband liked white. Thus, when the wife bought something, she chose red ones, such as a red television, a red table. When seeing those things, the husband immediately broke and threw them away. Every time his wife wore a red shirt, he forced her to change into a white one. Who can feel happy with it? - No one because their characters and hobbies are far more different.

• The second is non-forgiveness and grumbling.

Except for those who do not get married and practice religion then become enlightened, all people make mistakes. So if you don't forgive but always grumble at your partner about his/her faults and tell others about them, they won't bear it, and your marriage broke down very quickly because of your grumbling/blame. Therefore, although you must always help each other be good, still have to forgive their mistakes because criticism and blame will break the marriage.

In addition to those two viruses, there are nearly ten arrows that aim at your marriage.

First is pressure from the families of two sides.
The parents of the wife or husband are very important. So if they have different ideas of something, then the couple very dubious. For example, the wife's side wants their grandchildren to attend an international school, while the husband's side does not because they believe international schools do not teach patriotism.

Next is financial issues.

Being too poor or too rich affects the happiness of marriage. How can one say, "I love you like clouds love the wind, the moon love water," when they know that they have no food for tomorrow. Romantic love hardly exists when you have financial problems. Generally, to eat is before to love. Financial issues will affect your happiness shortly.

Some young Buddhists came to visit us and said, "Dear Master, I will get married next month." We were so surprised since we knew that they have no property or career at all, but at that time no one can stop them because they were deeply in love. But we know that their happiness would be very fragile for financial reasons. If you are in difficulties: your wife is going to give birth, your children are sick, and there is no more food, how can you feel love for someone?

We ever lived near an old man in a graveyard. When he died, we were the only ones who buried him. We ever asked him, "Why are you living alone in this graveyard, without a wife, without a child, without a family?" He said he feared the situation when "the wife is going to give birth, the children are ill, and no more food." Was he pessimistic? But it is true. No stable economy, no longer love, no longer happy family.

How can you still have love and a happy family if you live in conditions of severe poverty?

But if you are too rich, your love and happiness are also easy to go away. Why is this so? This question is difficult to answer. You must have high morality, great wisdom to be the master of your money; otherwise, your money will be your master, and it will encourage you to do bad things, enjoy all the pleasures of life and then disregard your family. You will be attracted by bad people/ things, so your happiness is far more fragile than ever. The husband will go his way, the wife will go her way, and the children will go their way, and their happiness goes away. It's all because they have too much money. So when seeing wealthy families, don't hurriedly think that they are happy unless they are very wise and moral then they are their money's master and can remain their happiness. Financially, too poor or too rich is an arrow that is attacking the happiness of marriage.

• Another arrow is the education of your children.

If you educate your children well, you will earn a blessing which helps you be happy, and your marriage be stable. If you are bad at teaching your children, besides the matter of sin or blessing, it is sure that the corrupt children will make you sad, anxious, miserable, so how can your family be happy? However, it is not easy to teach children, that's why there is a saying: "Many a good father has but a bad son." Although a baby is your child, in fact, it was a being somewhere who was born into your family, so it has inherent temperament independent of the parents'.

A young couple brought their son to visit us. We told the husband: "You are loved wherever you go since you make others happy and have trust in whatever you say. On the contrary, your son will cause troubles wherever he goes." The child's paternal grandparents agreed with us. Was it strange? The parents were kind, but their child was the opposite, and it was his nature. He was a sentient being somewhere to be reborn into this family, so he still carried his past characteristics that is to cause troubles everywhere he goes.

Shaping a baby to be good is extremely difficult if it is not inherently good. A stubborn child will make its parents miserable for all their life. It is because parents give birth to a child but not give his manner/ psychology. The child was a sentient being somewhere to be reincarnated, and he continued to carry his previous characteristics/tendency from his past lives. If obedient, the child will contribute to the happiness of the family and his family will feel secure and be proud of him; if he would like to cause problems, be addicted to drugs, etc. then his family becomes hell. For example, he is always stealing your things and sell, and after a time, he brings a baby home and says that it is his son and asks you to raise the baby. You will be very miserable. So your children contribute to the happiness of your family. But how can we be sure if we will have good children?

• Your friends are the fourth factor that affects your marriage and family.

Everyone has friends, and so do you and your partner. Besides friends, you two still have/remain relationships with colleagues, old classmates, and even exes. These connections can distract you from your wife/husband, children, your family. But we can't live by ourselves. You cannot reject all connections/ relationships such as friends, colleagues, relatives, associations, etc. although those will distract us from our family.

So we see in this life there will be no absolute happiness and love because everyone has a lot of concerns. Life is not like a story in a novel: he and she were two wanderers. After many years of traveling from here to there to help the weak and kill the evil, they met and fell in love and together they went through hard times to slay the wicked. Finally, they rode their horses to a faraway mountain, built a thatch hut and settled down there. They didn't care for anything else besides the other. It can't be a real-life story!
As in the novel "The Return of the Condor Heroes" by Jin Rong, after having fulfilled his duty to the country, Yang Guo with Xiao Long Nu came to a faraway place to live for the other and avoid all people. Likewise, when Zhang Wu Ji and Zhao Ming, accomplished their obligation, they left everything to live a life completely for each other. They didn't care anything else, even their brothers or fellows. Every morning, Zhang Wu Ji made up his wife's eyebrows and considered it his happiness. Such stories only exist in dreams, fictions, or movies. In reality, no one can isolate himself as an oasis, and external relationships are always taking our attention. It is also the factor that makes one unhappy and cannot love someone fully.
But how to keep this without losing that? It depends on each's ingenuity and bravery, and if we lose either one, we can't exist. For example, if we just care for our family and ignore all relationships in society, we can't do business, and our family will immediately go to a dead end. But if we just care for relations in society and neglect our family, then we lose our foundation, and then many other things. So, we must balance our family and relationships outside.

• Another arrow is when your spouse has a feeling of love for someone.

Even when having lived together for years, people can have a feeling of affections for someone else, even commit adultery. It is due to the culture of society, the family education, the karmic conditions from past lives, and each's ingenuity. New love is an arrow aiming at your marriage. We will be back to this issue later.

• The different concerns also break the marriage.

For example, the husband liked literature, but his wife liked business affairs. Initially, she was happy with his work of literature, but after a time, they felt there was a gap between them. Similarly, when a husband holds a high position in the government and dedicates his life to the country, while the wife doesn't have any concern about it, she only wants her husband to bring her money and pamper her. While the husband is often concerned about the country and needs supporters, his wife only cares about her beauty and the family. She always distracts the husband from his ideals. Over time, he will feel very tired of his wife and thus, his family will easily to be broken. So if you have such a husband, you should support his work so that your marital happiness can remain.

A husband liked music, every time he felt happy, he sang with his guitar. No one listened to him. His wife was busy gambling; his children were busy doing their school work, so he enjoyed himself. He felt lonely and what if a next- door woman often listened and talked to him? It would be "dangerous." In fact, the happiness of an artist is when people enjoy their performance. So when the husband sings/reciting poetry and the wife is talking about money, their affections for each other steadily lose. Even when the wife is not goodatmusic, she should enjoy and appreciate her husband's gift for it. We say gift because a talent is a big deal.

Likewise, a husband liked painting. He painted a picture of a man crossing a dry rice field with a buffalo and a factory chimney far away. He captioned, "the country rises," expressing his desire for the country to get a rise from backward agriculture to advanced industry. But seeing the painting, the wife said that it was not neator ugly. That meant they did not understand each other, so their love would quickly fade. Different interests also threaten the happiness of marriage, and when a couple has the same ones, they will easily be happy together. That is, if people do not appreciate themselves and try to learn and sympathize with others, their happiness can be durable.

• Another arrow that breaks marriage is sexuality.

This is an utter reason for the flesh but nothing noble, and in reality, a lot of couples end in divorce for this reason. Because they have no valuable teachings and cannot feel spiritual joy, and cannot appreciate sexuality. They appreciate, when one cannot meet the other's need, they will divorce. An overseas Vietnamese went back to Vietnam to marry. Because his wife couldn't satisfy his sexual need, he divorced her. Then, he married a foreign woman. Unexpectedly, the new wife needed more sex than what he could provide that she often committed adultery. Their family was really hell since they didn't value faithfulness but sexuality. You see when people care only about the flesh but not mentality, the risk of marriage breakdown is unavoidable.

• Accidents or chronic illnesses attack your marriage, too.

A girl had an accident and had to have her legs cut. Her boyfriend looked after her in the hospital for some time and never came back. Although he loved her, he didn't want to have a physically disabled wife. Likewise, a girl with her face scalded by boiling water was abandoned by her boyfriend.

There are many heartbreaking stories in this world. There was a couple poor but happy. The husband, a bricklayer, had an accident while doing his job, which caused his paralyzed legs. While he had a treatment, his wife's relative incited the wife to abandon the husband. They told her that she wouldn't be able to care for him for all her life. The wife complied. The husband could not bear the suffering and killed himself. Does it sound tragic? There was another story. A wife had a chronic illness. Her husband took good care of her. Their neighbors found that he was very faithful to his wife and never wanted to remarry. But the fact is that he had a sexual relationship with his wife's niece who came from the wife's hometown to look after his spouse. The happy marriage no longer existed; it was just what people thought. Accidents or chronic illnesses are also a huge potential risk to marriage.

Written by:
Janna

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