In fact, when having a courteous and sentimental conversation with
people, we ourselves are the first ones who feel serene.
SPOKEN WORDS
Director Huy ordered in a bossy voice:
“You guys! Take my car to wash.”
His employee, Hoàng, replied “yes” and then drove the car away.
After driving the car back to the office, he met the deputy director, Tuyết. She called him back and asked:
“Hey Hoàng, could you please help me take those papers to bind into a book? Thank you very much.”
Hoàng also said “yes” and went to the shop with a pile of papers.
When he got home in the afternoon, his wife asked:
“How was your day, dear?”
He said:
“It’s normal, sweetheart. The more situations we have faced at work, the more valuable lessons we can get. And today I have got one more. My director constantly uses his power to order us to do everything; while the deputy always asks us politely. Actually, as an employee, we have to obey orders from them either way. But if we take orders when under stress, we feel a little hurt. On the other hand, we can be happy if we are asked politely. Being hurt over a long time can lead to inhibition. Being happy over a long time can lead to a sense of relief.”
“I really don’t understand why the director has to unnecessarily give orders with his bossy and rude voice. In contrast, the deputy always communicates in a very courteous way. Power can make us scared, but annoyed and hateful, while courtesy always makes us happy and sympathetic. Instead of rudely asking people to do something, we can ask them courteously. It’s just the same content, but in a different manner.”
Hoàng said:
“Since I started working at this company, I’ve worked for two kinds of characters that are completely opposite to each other. I can draw a good lesson from that. Since then, I always pick a courteous behavior to communicate with people, and everything works right to me. Even though some serious argument happens between my colleagues and me, I try to talk with them respectfully and politely. Sometimes, I lose, they win but there’s no hatred left. They win and they’re my friends. It’s so good, isn’t it?”
As the old saying goes, “Courtesy costs nothing.” Polite attitudes in communication always give people a good feeling. Normally, if nothing happens, then we still have a “Nothing” attitude. However, if there is something we have to deal with, our attitudes will change immediately. We use power to make others feel small if our interest or fame or honor is harmed. It’s quite common.
If we respect people, we like to treat them courteously. Even when we’re bosses, we still politely ask our employees to do something. An order is usually mandatory. But an order covered with courtesy is more effective, which can touch our subordinates, and they may try harder to accomplish their tasks.
Someone might counter that, in defensive warfare or national emergency, if senior rank officers don’t use power in their commands, how can soldiers obey? The truth is, there’s already strict disciplines available in the military. Whoever refuses to obey the orders of the commander will be adjudicated by the military court immediately. However, the orders should be included with some noble sentiment, like love for the country, comrades, and compatriots, that can help to strengthen the patriotism of soldiers. If the leaders give orders with only their power, the subordinates still have to obey them, but out of fear and not out of love for the country.
Nowadays, society is becoming more and more knowledgeable, so people had better get rid of their unfavorable feelings to behave sensibly towards others. People ought to ponder over what’s wrong, what’s right, what’s according to the law... so that they can do the right things. Use sentiment and reason to teach people right from wrong, and they will surely follow. There’s no use trying to show power or domination while giving orders.
In fact, when having a courteous and sentimental conversation with people, we ourselves are the first ones who feel serene.
Written by:
Janna
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